I Am A Halloween Scrooge
Are we in the Tree of Trust yet, people? I hope so because I'm about to tell you-- I STILL hate Halloween. Yes. These are my confessions. (Brought to you by the one and only Usher, USHER.) I can't HELPPPP ITTTT. My dislike has spanned all time and space. I wasn't super into it growing up. And I only dressed up once in college after drinking some Rieslings and thinking dressing as a nurse would be a GREAT idea. (Putting a dark cloud over an otherwise amazing profession, I might add.)
But fast forward to Adult Life. Halloween just stresses me out and makes my Clinical Strength deodorant work overtime. I did it to myself, you see. I started out so strong. Allow me to walk down memory lane for a moment...
2013 This will always and forever be my Mic Drop moment as a mom. I'm not sure how I can top this. WHYYYY DID I DO THAT TO MYSELF? I made this thing! I bought an inner tube, painted it and hot glued pipe-cleaners on to it. Like who do I think I am, Martha Stewart? I must say it was pretty amazing. And it was also pretty amazing that I didn't consider any logistics of poor Fliss actually trying to trick-or-treat in it. I had no time for what the people call, "walking around." So as we went up to the FIRST house to trick-or-treat, the inner tube was pierced by a bush and deflated. I shiz you not. My crowning achievement crushed in the blink of an eye.
2014 I asked the girls what they wanted to be for Halloween and Felicity said Santa Clause. I was like, "Oh hell yes. That is amazing."
Rushing the season in THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. My mom was a Drama major in college, so she knows her way around some costume making. She helped me a lot. But by adding glasses, a "life like" beard and curled ribbons for hair..well let's just say Felicity was also majoring in Drama that day. She ended up looking like a homeless Santa 10 short minutes after this picture was taken. Crusty beard just hanging on for dear life. (Shout out to Poppy for a strong supporting role as Rudolph.)
2015 If you haven't started sensing a theme yet, you will after you see these costumes. Theme: I'm getting lazier.
The theme is also that I like a theme. This one: food. Kids dressed as food is always hilarious. If you'd like to know about the time I dressed as a carrot. Click Hereee! I was so happy with myself. And then a lady asked me "Are you a deformed pumpkin?!" Sweet.
Anyway, these costumes were by far the easiest. Certainly the most comfortable. A corn on the cob onesie, and "sandwich board" eggs & bacon?? GIRL, BYE.
2016. Felicity wanted to be Wonder Woman, and for my own selfish reasons I convinced Poppy to also be Wonder Woman. (Fun fact: you can convince a kid to be any Halloween costume you want, if you show them enough Google images of it.) Evidently, I've really plummeted in my costume making AND parenting over the last few years.
I've also noticed another theme. This one more personal. Apparently, I like to add turtlenecks to all costumes. I blame my mom for that. Margaux, who is legally a giant, is wearing a hand-me-down pink poodle costume way too small for her. I couldn't even be bothered to remove her BLUE outer space PJs, as you can see. And the reason the girls are wearing different crowns-- well for that I'd like to pose a question. Does anyone else become The Incredible Hulk Mom during the minutes leading up to trick-or-treating? My old man strength comes out and I'm just ripping shiz out of packages trying to get everything on people. Am I trying to beat some invisible clock? Trying to get my PB time in getting them all dressed in under 8 minutes? I have no idea. But in this process I ripped Poppy's [ridiculously flimsy] Wonder Woman headband. Woopsies! But thankfully our friends at Wendy's restaurant were giving WW crowns out in their happy meals. So if you know us you know this means we had 3,038,473,028 extra Wonder Woman crowns laying around. Crisis averted.
Now I'd be remiss if I didn't give an Honorable Mention to Joel, who has had some very successful costumes over the last few years. What I lack in Halloween costume enthusiasm, he certainly makes up for. He's the Buddy The Elf of Halloween costumes.
One year he was Where's Waldo per our obsession with the books. The next year he was Gandalf. Or as I call it "Gandalf On His Day Off" since he's wearing my bathrobe. And this year he was an overly-enthusiastic-about-making-pirate-jokes, Pirate. Amen.
So yesssss...these are my confessions. Halloween, to me, is just a shorter name for Operation: Costumes Make Mom Sweat. Thank you for walking down memory lane for me.
Am I alone in my scrooge ways? What the best costume you or your peeps have ever had?