The Bachelor: Season 21 Episode 8
Hi friends! Sorry I kind of forgot slash was feeling lazy about writing about this episode! The notes are two weeks old so BARE WITH ME BECAUSE SO MUCH MORE HAS HAPPENED. Also I know I barely have a life and I live for my Investigative Reporting, but I only watched this episode once aka 2 weeks ago. SORRYYYYYYY.
Just in case you haven't seen this episode or the next...DON'T read until you've watched! This post contains spoilers! Go hit up that DVR, triple fast forward through those commercials, and TREATYOSELF. All my Bachelor recaps can be found under The Bachelor page in the menu! Huzzah!
We open the episode with Nick arriving at the beach house-- again! We also open with Corinne spazing that she's about to be sent home-- again! But in a twist of events Nick is sort of LITERALLY asking each girl if they'll accept a rose. I like this laissez-faire approach to a rose ceremony. All say yes, obvi.
THE TIME HAS COME FOR HOMETOWN DATES! First Stop-- That's So RAVEN's Hometown of H____, Arkansas. I can't even type the name, let alone say it. I CAN'T STAND THE NAME OF HER HOMETOWN. (Fine. Hoxie. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.) She wants to show him a day in the life. My thoughts...
- They start off by going 4-wheeling and is he not holding onto her tiny waist in a LEGIT death grip? He seems scared AF to have her behind the wheel.
- Then they decide to run up the steps of one of those grain bins. Fun Fact: I too have always wanted to run up steps like that. And I tried it once with friends. Double Fun Fact: We too were stopped by a police officer. Triple Fun Fact: He was not Raven's brother. And he was not joking.
- After being scared for -.01 seconds Nick and Raven realize who it is. Raven's bro, silly! You really thought ABC was going to let you get arrested on their watch? HEAVENS TO BETSY NO.
- I don't know about you but whenever I go 4-wheeling I always like to wear a white t-shirt like Raven. But not just any 'ole white T. My most favorite BACKLESS WHITE T SHIRT.
- The play fighting in the swamp was just SICK. You can tell he's doing his best ab workout trying not to lay all the way down. I don't blame him because THAT'S HOW PEOPLE DIE.
Second half of the date was meeting the FAM BAM. I have to say that when the families of these peeps get involved, it always makes me feel a little emotional. Mostly, I feel bad for them. But some seem so genuine (like Raven's dad!) that I WISH NICK WOULD JUST PICK EVERYONE AND THEY COULD ALL BE SISTER WIVES. My thoughts on this part of the date:
- Damn ABC we get it. You're checking to see if I really have tear ducts. NOT A DRY EYE OVER HERE.
- Is Raven's hair real or a weave? She touches it like it's fake but it LOOKS real. THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT.
- Raven's mom needed subtitles.
- Raven's dad is so precious and I'm quite happy he's beaten cancer.
- Raven's brother had his 45 seconds of fame back at the grain bin. He barely reappeared.
- In the end she's stressing out about the fact she didn't tell Nick she loved him.
Moving right along to the Hometown Date with Rachel. Nick visits her in Dallas, Texas. I will tell you that again, now that she's the new Bachelorette, I'm much less invested in scenes with her. Here's what I gleamed:
- They head to church and she shows him wear she praises the Lord every week. I thought these scenes were kinda awkward mostly because they SAT IN THE SECOND ROW. But I'm all for worshiping God on prime time television.
- Now it's off to meet Rachel's family. Except her dad! He couldn't be there for work obligations. Editor's Note: I have it on good authority that Rachel's dad doesn't think it is super professional to be on THE BACHELOR (puppy surprise!) so he won't be appearing on the show next season. Don't say I never gave you DA SCOOP.
- The meeting was generally a blur for me because I was so distracted by her WEIRDO brother-in-law. Who is TRYING SO HARD and sounds like Ryan Reynolds (in a not hot way) when he sits down with them. HERE IS PROOF:
YOU CAN THANK ME LATER FOR MY CRACK SQUAD INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING SKILLZ.
- And yes he says, "you are a white" which is sort of offensive and sort of funny and sort of wanting TO BE Ryan Reynolds.
- Blanyway, I appreciated how everyone had on super legit outfits. We shall be seeing more of this family next season!
Hometown Date with Corrine is up next! We're in MIAMI, BISHHHHH!
Corinne decides to take Nick through an "ordinary day" for her. Which means shopping, sipping champagne and wearing shoes that look like slippers. I can't exactly say I'm mad about how she spends her time. My thoughts:
- I want her to cut about 8 inches off her hair. It's killing me inside.
- She watches Nick try on clothes and can I make a confession?? I didn't HATE the outfit he called his "Miami Soccer Dad" look. I actually was like YASSSSSSSS, HONEY. It was an ombre sweatshirt and tight sweatpants. I wanted it for myself. THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS.
- She spends $3,423 on Nick's Meet The Parents outfit. He's visibly sweating through his $800 shirt because, naturally, he is a bargain shopper.
- Corinne coughs up an "I love you" to Nick after what can only be described as the longest pause on television ever. As my sister describes, "I left to make myself a cup of coffee as she was about to say it and I came back in and the camera was STILL ON HER and she hadn't said it!" Awko Taco.
On the second half of the date we meet Corinne's family and AT LONG LAST, Racquel!!!!
- I take back everything I said about Racquel. She is being held captive again her will, and she NEEDS OUR HELP.
- Corinne's mom looked nothing like I expected, and EVERYTHING like I expected.
- I'll call it now that Corinne's sister WILL appear on Bachelor In Paradise with her, a la Ashley I. and Lauren.
- Well, well, well Corinne's dad did NOT disappoint. He's one of those fortunate people who always has a default smile on his face. Not one of us unfortunate people with our resting bitch faces. Sadly his is not in a good way though. More like in a "I just spit in your food and you don't know it" kinda way. I JUST REPORT FACTS PEOPLE.
- I want those glasses he had where you can rest your thumb in the indentation. My thumbs be tired and they need a place to rest.
- He says "Corinne is the lid to Nick's pot" which, call me a sicko, sounds like a weird euphemism. For what I don't know, but I don't like it.
The final Hometown date is with THE ANGEL Vanessa in Montreal, Canada. Their first stop is visiting Vanessa's adult disabled students at their school. My thoughts...
- Seeing her students CRYING because they were so excited to see her was SO touching. If you didn't cry you literally have no soul.
- I went through an entire box of Kleenex Cool Touch Tissues for this date. AND IT WAS SO WORTH IT.
- She has them make a scrapbook of her and Nick and I'm like REALLY VANESSA?? This class has been LABORING AROUND TOWN for you with all the scrapbook making. They aren't CREATIVE MEMORIES, OK?
- I very much enjoy watching Nick and Vanessa together.
Second half of the date was meeting her family. Vanessa's parents are divorced so the first stop was her mom's house for Sunday Lunch. An Italian Tradition. My thoughts...
- When you're here, you're family! Vanessa's mom house could moonlight as an Olive Garden. So much food. So many people. Unlimited salad and breadsticks for your delight.
- I was kind of overwhelmed at the whole thing, and tired, so I checked out during their lunch. It looked like her sister was worried for Vanessa. As was her mom. THEY ARE PROTECTIVE, OK??
- I did like seeing some Catholic statues in the back of one of the scenes.
Then they run over to her dad's house. All you need to know for these scenes is that her dad's attitude about everything was:
He had no time for it and you could tell. He brings Nick into the other room (after awkwardly staring at the camera as he walks by) and is like WHAT DO YOU FEEL FOR MY DAUGHTER. Nick gives him the same 10 & 2 and Vanessa's dad is like coolcoolcool SO LISTEN...HAVE YOU ASKED THESE OTHER GIRL'S PARENTS FOR PERMISSION TO MARRY THEM??? And Nick is like *mumble mumble* and her dad is like IT'S A YES OR NO QUESTION. And I'm at home like:
He for sure got called out. But it ended OK. What WASN'T OK is when Vanessa's dad spills the tea and tells her Nick admitted he asked all 4 girl's parents permission. She's like OH HELLZ NO. But I'm like dude. Have you seen the show before? That's how it works.
Back at the hotel Nick is contemplating his choices when there's a knock at the door. We all assume it's Vanessa but then
OMG IT'S ANDI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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