The Dog Days of Summer
FRIENDS!! COUNTRYMEN!! LEND ME YOUR EARS!!! I am so sorry I have been MIA for the past weeks! Going out of town threw me off, being pregnant has thrown me off, but mostly SUMMER LIFE has thrown me off!
Imma be real wit you, I would be lying if I said I LOVEDDDDDDDDD summer. In general I don't care for the heat, the humidity, and the fact my kids are always around (Don't front like you love it either.) And did I mention the clothing?? FUN FACT: Did you know my body categorically rejects the concept of shorts? It's true, amigos. Like if I were to put on shorts, my body would just surrender and be like DEATH IS UPON ME and start to shut down. THEY JUST DON'T WORK FOR ME. So I've been living in dresses but then I have the issue of being pale. So I'm constantly war-ing with myself as to if I should put self-tanner on or not. (Can I sit still for 15 mins? What if I have to go to the bathroom? I think I have to go to the bathroom. What if I mess it up? What about the smell? What about if I decide to walk to my mailbox and it starts to rain? WHAT THEN!!!!) If I'm feeling spirited (read: not willing to blind innocent bystanders with my paleness) I usually opt for the Sally Hansen Leg Makeup. If you haven't used it, DO IT. It will be the best thing that's happened to you in 2017. RUN AND TELL THAT. It's easy to put on, non-committal, but also water resistant. Plus it's instant. (You can find it near the nail polishes in the drugstore----> Don't let location weird you out.)
Anyway, that was a long aside to tell you, I've been slightly in the weeds. I like the fact we don't have a set schedule everyday. But I'm starting to feel like Bozo the Clown. (One might argue that that started a long time ago.....) Everyday my kids stare at me with anticipation like WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY, BOZO!?!?! DANCE MONKEY!! And here I am fat, pale and pregnant like....HOW ABOUT THE DRIVE THRU AT CHICK-FIL-A, kiddos! WHAT DO YOU SAY!?! And if you don't know my kids just know they're exactly like me. Charming? Wise? Hilariously witty, you ask? More like Intense. Cute but intense. So I can't just fly below the radar and hope they don't notice these boring summer days.
For instance, on Wednesday our cleaners came and we always need to leave the house when they're here. (File Under: First World Problem) And when they arrived, Poppy yelled OH YES!! THIS MEANS WE GET TO LEAVE THE HOUSE TODAY!!!!!!! ..................................... I'm like damn, homies. I didn't know you felt trapped in the Land of AC and PB&Js. Where the Shimmer & Shine flows like wine, and the Go-Go Squeezes never stop. I MEAN IS IT THAT BAD?!?! So I did what any smart mother would do...I brought them to Target. Where the AC pumps out crackhead gas that causes you to buy $200 worth of stuff (YES, WE DO NEED THAT ELENA OF AVALOR ICE PACK. NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME TO BUY A SHOWER CURTAIN, CHILDREN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I DESERVE THESE THREE NEW PAIRS OF SHOES!)
Maybe this is why my kids are straight manic when Joel gets home from work. His summer schedule is a bit more flexible so he's usually home around 4 or 5 pm (I know I know, beat my chest my life is so hard). And when he comes in you would think it was Dora The Explorer herself coming through the door. I mean they spaz. And part of me is like cool I'm chopped liver. And the other part of me is like COOL I'M CHOPPED LIVER, PEACE HOMESLICES.
The kids have done a few VBS camps (remember HERE when I talked about how they're the best gig in town?) And they have a few more coming up. But I think part of my SI (summer issues) is their ages. 6, 4 and almost 2. Let me breakdown what that looks like...
SIX- Six but going on 26 but also 76. It's very confusing. I liken dealing with my six year old similar to dealing with my drunk best friend. Who just broke up with her boyfriend. You have SO MUCH LOVE for her (bc she's your bestie) but she be making NO SENSE RIGHT NOW. And she needs to just TELL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU how she FEELSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. She has a hard time not making it all about her, and because she's drunk she randomly cries. And you're like WAIT YOU WERE LAUGHING 10 SECONDS AGO, NOW YOU'RE CRYING? Also sporadically very crotchety (that's the 76 year old part). And I'm like, Oh shiz friend sorry I didn't KNOWWWWW that you line up your animals like that. SUE ME. She's hard to keep up with and you know she won't remember anything she said tomorrow.
FOUR- Four and every bit of four. But also sort of drunk. But drunk in a very affectionate way. So even though she doesn't put her shoes on the right feet (when you tell her THE BIG PART OF THE SHOE HAS TO LINE UP TO THE BIGTOE she looks at you like YOU'RE the drunk one), she'll randomly kiss you and tell you what a good human you are. And yes, she will definitely try to lift your dress in public (That's the 4 year old part and the drunk part). And don't even try to have her dress herself. She will come downstairs with her shorts on inside out and a princess crown and nothing else. READY TO PARTAAAAYYYYY. Endearing but unpredictable.
TWO- Just drunk.
So yeah. That's what I'm working with these days. I keep reminding myself that the days are long but the years are short, you know? I am v v blessed. And I'm sure one day I'll look back and LAUGH that these dog days of summer! In the mean time I'll be hiding from my children in my closet, checking Instagram and drinking my Chick-Fil-a (extra ice) Diet Dr. Pepper.
P.S. Going out of town next weekend but I'll try to fit in a few posts next week! I will recap our trip to Ireland, among other things!